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Changes to your body and physical abilities

Cancer and treatment can change your physical abilities and make it hard to do everyday tasks.

You might have side effects like less energy, trouble eating or drinking, or pain that limits your movement. You might also have hair loss, skin changes or scars, weight loss, or other changes to the way you look. This can affect how you feel about yourself.

Most of these changes only last during treatment, but some may continue afterward. If you have questions or concerns about physical changes, start by talking with your cancer care team.

Managing these changes

You might also have to take steps to manage these changes to your body:

• Talk to your partner, family, and friends about how you are feeling and how this affects your usual activities.
• Get help with everyday tasks like shopping, cooking, cleaning, laundry, lawn care, or childcare.
• Give yourself permission to do less. It’s okay if you can’t do everything you used to do. This will likely change over time. Don’t try to do too much in one day.
• Be as active as you can, drink plenty of fluids, and eat balanced meals.

Getting support

Your partner, family, and friends may not know how to help you, or they may not even realize you need help. Don’t be afraid to be honest with them. If you are having trouble getting the support you need from your loved ones, you can ask your cancer care team to talk with them.

You probably won’t have the energy to continue all your usual tasks. In addition to asking for help, consider these options:

Use free and low-cost delivery services. Many grocery stores offer online shopping and home delivery. Other items that can be delivered to your home include prescriptions, household goods, and school supplies.

Find ways to meal prep that take less energy. If you enjoy cooking, try doubling recipes and freezing half to save for another meal. Or keep your meals simple. You can also take advantage of healthy meal-delivery services or nutritious ready-to-eat and frozen foods from the grocery store.

Pick the most important chores. Instead of cleaning the whole house, focus on the parts that matter most to you. This could include having the dishes done, cleaning the bathroom, or vacuuming your bedroom. If possible, hire someone to do a more complete cleaning once or twice a month.

Focus on the 1 or 2 activities that mean the most to you. Don’t commit to any new activities until you know you have the time and energy for them.

Finding rides to treatment

Getting to and from treatment can also be a challenge. You may not feel well enough to drive yourself, and your family and friends may need to work or care for children. The American Cancer Society offers free rides to treatment and medical appointments through Road to Recovery.

The financial impact of cancer

Now is the time to learn as much as you can about the costs of your cancer treatment and make a plan to manage your expenses.

Cancer care and treatment can cost a lot. It’s also hard to predict what your insurance will pay and what you will owe out of pocket. Many people worry about how they will keep up with the cost of treatment while still paying their day-to-day expenses like housing and food. This can be especially hard if you are the main wage earner for your family or already have debt.

Ask your cancer care team:

• How much will my treatment likely cost?
• Who can tell me what my insurance covers and what I’ll have to pay myself?
• Who can I talk to if I’m having trouble paying for treatment or other expenses?

Anticipating your needs now might help prevent you from having to make tough decisions about money later. There are many resources that can help you answer your questions and manage your cancer care costs. Learn more in The Cost of Cancer Care.

Managing work during treatment

Some people are able to keep working during cancer treatment, but others find they need to take time off or make changes to how they work.

If you continue working, you might need a less demanding schedule, like taking extra days off or working less hours than usual. Or you might need special working conditions, called reasonable accommodations. This might mean working from home or having an office space closer to the bathroom so it’s easier to deal with side effects.

By law, some employers may have to let you work a flexible schedule to meet your treatment needs. There are also federal and state laws that could protect you if you can’t work or need to take time off. Learn more in Working During Cancer Treatment.  

How cancer affects relationships and family life

Having cancer can be overwhelming for you and the people close to you. It can change your relationships and the ways you support one another.

Your partner or spouse

If you have a spouse or partner, they are often strongly affected by your cancer. This can vary from couple to couple. For some couples, facing the challenges of cancer together strengthens their relationship. For others, the stress of cancer may create new problems and worsen existing ones.

Some couples find that spending time talking helps them adapt to changes. This could mean having regular conversations about cancer, treatment, and what each person needs. Other couples find they do better with counseling and other types of support.

Relationships with others

You might have other people in your household or life who you rely on, like parents, siblings, adult children, or close friends. These people can also be affected by your diagnosis, and they may want to help you adapt to changes from your cancer. Just like with a spouse or partner, it's important to have open, honest conversations during this time.

Changing roles

Cancer often forces you to make changes to the usual roles and responsibilities in your relationships. Someone who has always been in charge or taken on the role of caregiver may have trouble being more dependent. Someone who has been more dependent might have trouble taking on new responsibilities. Some people become overly protective.

Talk with your partner, family, or close friends about your feelings, needs, and desires. Work together to make decisions about treatment, caregiving, and other issues. You may all need to be flexible and learn new ways to approach your relationships.

Changing responsibilities

In many households, everyone handles certain daily chores. One person may cook and do yardwork while another person cleans and pays bills. If cancer and treatment leave you feeling tired or unable to finish your usual tasks, your partner or others in your household may have to pick up those duties. If you have to stop working, your partner may need to return to work or take on extra hours while also handling caregiving duties.

This can be overwhelming for the people who must take on more responsibility. It can also make the person who isn’t able to do as much feel guilty.

Talk openly about these challenges and possible solutions. This can help everyone manage the changes. You might also need to get help from friends and family members outside of your household, even if it’s hard to ask.

Parenting when you have cancer

Being a parent when you have cancer can be tiring. You may wonder how you’ll care for yourself and your family, especially during treatment. Start by thinking about what you must do and what you can stop doing. Asking for help allows you to spend less time worrying and more time with your loved ones.

Getting support from family and friends

If you have a partner, discuss the best way to divide up parenting duties. Talk about your options and how these added responsibilities might affect your partner.

Family members, friends, and neighbors may want to help, but they might not know how. Make a list of things you need, like walking the dog, grocery shopping, making meals, or picking your children up from school and activities.

When someone offers to help, show them the list and ask what they would like to do. For example, you might ask a classmate’s parent to drive your child to school each day.
You may find it helpful to ask a friend or family member to coordinate these requests.

Finding community resources

Your local community may offer resources to help you balance family life during cancer and treatment. For example:

• Your child’s school: School guidance counselors may offer your children extra support. After-school programs could be an option when you have a doctor’s appointment or need time for yourself.
• Religious groups: If you belong to a place of worship, ask about their support programs. Many religious groups offer financial, physical, or emotional help to parents. Many also give support to non-members.
• Charitable organizations: Charities and nonprofits in your community may provide everything from childcare and transportation to meals and financial assistance. Oncology social workers, case managers, and your cancer care team can refer you.

Exploring all these resources may be hard for you to manage by yourself. Consider asking a family member or friend to help you.

Asking your children for help

Your children might wonder how they can help you. They may be willing to help with some chores around the house, so you have more free time to spend together.

When asking your children to help with chores:

• Explain that you need some extra help and that you’re asking everyone in the family to pitch in.
• Use a chart to help children and teens track their chores.
• Work together to complete bigger tasks. For example, one child can clear the table after dinner while another puts away leftovers.
• Ask your children to help each other. Teenagers and older children can help with car rides and homework. Younger children can help each other pick up toys or fold laundry.
• Let your child or teen know that you appreciate their help. Say thank you and offer rewards for jobs well done, like a family movie night, ice cream outing, or extra screen time.

Remember that you can’t expect your children to be expert cleaners or do their chores as carefully as you might. Accepting their best efforts will help keep them motivated.

Prioritizing time with your children

Many parents struggle to fit everything into their family’s schedule. This can be harder when you have cancer and are getting treatment. You’ll need to decide what’s most important for you and your children.

Reconsider your family’s schedule. If your children are involved in many activities, ask them to pick the ones they would most like to continue. Tell them it’s better to focus on fewer activities and have more time together as a family.

Be kind to yourself. Many times, a parent living with cancer feels like they have to pack more love and fun into every day because the future is uncertain. This puts a lot of pressure on both you and your family. Trying to overfill your time together is often tiring for everyone, and it may end up doing the opposite of what you want. Instead, choose smaller, more manageable activities so you can spend quality time together.

Finding your new normal

People who have gone through cancer treatment often describe the first few months as a time of change. It’s not so much “getting back to normal” as it is finding out what’s normal for you now. People often say that life has new meaning or that they look at things in a new way.

Your new normal may include:

• Changes in the way you eat and the things you do
• New or different sources of financial, social, or emotional support
• Needing help doing things you used to do without problems
• ?Permanent scars on your body
• Emotional aftereffects from going through so much

You may see yourself in a different way or find that others think of you in a different way now. Whatever your new normal may be, give yourself time to adapt to the changes. Take it one day at a time.

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